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17th November 2005

8:39am: 43things...
I saw 43things in outfcheeseerror's profile and I thought it looked cool, so I signed up.


Goals that are public seem like they might be easier to accomplish (more accountability, and just makes the goals more "real"). And the community aspect (where users can talk to others trying to do the same stuff and cheer each other on) seems like it could be helpful too, or at least fun.

My goals on the site are mostly pretty general, at the moment. Research has shown that people are more likely to accomplish goals with certain characteristics, including specificity. But more general goals have a greater chance of being shared with others online and thus leading to more community interaction. And also, I have a lot of general goals that I haven't thought how to go about specifically yet. So hopefully when I am focusing on a particular goal I will then create specific subgoals for it. I haven't really played with all the features yet -- maybe I could try writing entries about goals and putting specific subgoals in there.

Lj friends and any other readers, I hope you're doing well. ;-)
Current Mood: hopeful

(6 masterpieces | paint the wall)

9th November 2002

1:49am: So this is what being happy is like...
Things that I love:

-Falling leaves and SNOW!
A pretty leaf practically fell into my hands one day...it is now on my bulletin board. And I had a pet snowball for a while.

-Bubble gum
Does this even need an explanation?

-Old Main's bell tower
It chimes every 15min; for some reason hearing it makes me happy (except when I am in the process of not getting very much schoolwork done and it reminds me of the time that I have wasted :p)

-My winter hat
It's yellow and green and it has a poofball on top! *Sigh* Finding it was fate in action.

-Binary trees
They are so beautiful.

-My awesome posse (heheheh I said "posse")
Monkey love, food sculptures, recycling, etc etc!
Current Mood: jubilant

(13 masterpieces | paint the wall)

2nd September 2002

12:17pm: I've been at college for a little over a week now and I'm happy to report that everything is going great. My roommate is nice, my classes are cool, and I've made a bunch of new friends.

Here are some college-related picturesCollapse )
Current Mood: happy

(37 masterpieces | paint the wall)

2nd July 2002

7:38pm: I was fairly productive yesterday. I finished up a few things I'd been meaning to get to, including the paint job on a table I bought at Goodwill a few months ago (for $3 woohoo).

pictures of my painted tableCollapse )
Current Mood: alright

(7 masterpieces | paint the wall)

1st July 2002

11:51pm: Arguments I hate:

1. It doesn't matter.
It matters to me. If you don't care, why don't you just let me have my way?

2. Life's not fair.
Yes, and we must try hard to keep it that way. Any proposed course of action that could result in more justice in the world should be abandoned immediately.

3. You need to have faith.
I have faith that you are wrong.

4. The majority is on my side.
And the majority is always right. Witch hunts, slavery, and a belief in a flat earth are all fine and dandy.

5. When you're my age you'll see it my way.
When I'm your age I hope I have facts to back up my opinions, so I don't have to resort to this pitiful response.
Current Mood: irritated

(14 masterpieces | paint the wall)

21st June 2002

9:53pm: two days in my life

-- went to the beach (w/lucy and matt)
-- ate disgusting jelly beans b/c lucy peer pressured me into it ("grass" and "sardine" flavors)
-- saw a nifty giant sand castle

-- went to nessy's house
-- watched moulin rouge again
-- saw shauna there. she's cool
-- i hadn't seen vanessa's house since before the outside got redone in brick. also, the last time i was there she had different living room furniture, and a different entertainment center. probably much more has changed too as i only saw a few parts of the house. have we really not hung out that much? (hmm that sentence seems awkward. but that is somewhat fitting considering its content.) proceed to rationalization: i guess vanessa and i usually do things "out on the town" rather than at her house. ...but it does seem we haven't been spending as much time together as we used to. well we still have the rest of the summer!

-- went to applebee's (w/vanessa and matt)
-- mmm food

-- went back to my house (w/same as previous)
-- watched e.t. (such a good movie!)
-- played dr. mario, which was made all the more amusing by vanessa's commentary/shrieks


-- went to the doctor. woke up @ 6:45am. got two shots, had to give a urine sample, and other stuff that is too bad to mention here. *shudder*

-- not much else
Current Mood: listless

(6 masterpieces | paint the wall)

4th June 2002

10:09am: i went up to penn state for this first-year advising thing. and i got to register for classes. here's what i picked:

Physics: Mechanics
Calculus with Analytic Geometry II, Honors
Intermediate Programming
Freshman Composition, Honors
The First Amendment and Democracy (Seminar), Honors

i capitalized them for some odd reason. anyways, i'm a little nervous about this schedule. people have said that the calc and comp sci classes are pretty difficult, so i might change one of them. ...since it will be my first semester and all.


it seems like a popular storyline in movies (and other stuff) is: a man/woman is neglecting his/her family or relationships to try to obtain material things (usually through working long hours). then he/she realizes the folly of his/her ways and decides to be there for his/her family. he/she lives happily ever after.

how come there aren't any movies (that i've seen anyway) where a person realizes that spending time with his/her family isn't fulfilling and ends up being satisfied through a life of gaining wealth and possesions?

couldn't it work like that?


i was sitting at a gate in the airport waiting to leave, and i noticed that people don't generally sit next to strangers. (i am no exception.) the people traveling alone seek out seats in the middle of three empty spots, and families find whole empty rows. when there are no isolated seats left, most people stand. i wonder if this is because people don't want to invade the space of others, or because they don't want their space invaded...or both...or...
Current Mood: content

(14 masterpieces | paint the wall)

19th April 2002

3:45am: i have so much to do in the next two and a half weeks. i dunno if it's humanely possible. i woke up a half an hour ago because i couldn't stop thinking about all the stuff i have to do.


and then i packed for tonight (grad nite woohoo) and tomorrow at nessy's, and now i'm here. why am i here? i should be doing work. i can't afford to do anything that takes much time 'til after my courses and ap tests are over. grad nite will be the last social thing i can do for a little while. and i really need to stay away from aim. (i'm not addicted...)

at least my horoscope is apt and somewhat encouraging:
"You may feel a bit rushed today, dear Taurus. Things are moving faster than you feel comfortable with, and there is a constant sense of urgency that is demanding that you pick up the pace. The key is to not get flustered because of this and end up tripping and falling because you are trying to do too many things at once. Do, however, keep an open mind to all possibilities. There is a tremendous amount of exuberance in the air that is encouraging you to push beyond your normal limits."
Current Mood: busy

(2 masterpieces | paint the wall)

8th April 2002

4:46pm: haphazard slices of my world (i.e. randomness)
did you know that "promiscuous" is a synonym of "random"? i <3 merriam-webster online. it makes alphabetical order obsolete. muhahah

today i realized my english class makes me feel bad about myself. i suspected before...but going today...was not fun. at least it's almost over. (21 days!!!)

a lot of the time, when people say something nice to me i don't believe them. so i push their comments away. i tell them that's "what you're supposed to say." which is true...i mean, i'm sure a lot of people spew compliments that they don't really mean. but then, i do need to be affirmed sometimes...i just want believable affirmation. or maybe i'm only being difficult. do i completely believe anyone's praise? i don't think i do... enh whatever.

i got my first googlewhack the other day: zucchini despoiler. yeah i'm cool. ;-)

i had my mom look over my letter about getting an internship this summer, and she told me i should change the phrase "enriching experience" to something else. our conversation went something like this:
mom: using the word "enriching" makes it seem like you think they're going to pay you a whole lot.
me: well...how about "enlightening"?
mom: it isn't a religious experience.
me: "stimulating"?
mom: that sounds sexual!
me: gaahhh!
...i ended up rewording it so there isn't an adjective there at all. heh.

i'm going to another computer programming contest saturday. i'm getting nervous again...this one is team, so i not only have the potential to make a fool of myself, i have the potential to make a fool of my teammates. oh goody. *and* i can't use the rationalization that it is my first time anymore, like i did last time.

i have a craving for alphabet soup.

the end.
Current Mood: nifty

(10 masterpieces | paint the wall)

3rd April 2002

8:56pm: i've seen this in many journals, and i directly stole it from cpm:
01. I hurt: too many people
02. I love: friends, nature, music
03. I hate: meanness
04. I cry: but most people don't see me
05. I fear: never being good enough
06. I hope: to create something inspiring
07. I'm saddened: by being ignored
08. I feel alone: when i'm with many people, but none of them understand
09. I kill: people's hopes
10. I talk: because i can
11. I listen: but sometimes it's not enough
12. I break: stereotypes (i try)
13. I see: destruction
14. I smell: my fruity lip gloss
15. I taste: yummy...mmm lip gloss. heh
16. I work: nowhere. because i'm lazy, and they don't want me anyway
17. I remember: a mosaic of details and scenes
18. I hold: myself to high standards
19. I hide: because you hid first
20. I pray: for a happy world
21. I walk: around in circles
22. I drive: with someone 21yrs or older in the front passenger seat
23. I read: instruction manuals
24. I burn: everything i can. mmm...fire
25. I breathe: and the air is heavy
26. I play: with people's feelings
27. I miss: my innocence
28. I touch: the darkness
29. I learn: whatever i can
30. I feel: anticipation
31. I know: that i should listen to that voice in my head
32. I said: i would prove myself. and someday i will. maybe...
33. I dream: vividly
34. I have: many things. but what good are things, really?
35. I want: to be loved by all
36. I fall: on my face. it's rather amusing
37. I wait: for the future
38. I need: to be noticed
39. I live: for friendship
40. I die: slowly with each moment i live. but don't we all?

i have too much work to do, but not enough motivation.

one of the best moments of a concert is when the hushed crowd freezes in anticipation of the first glorious note. they hear the music inside themselves just before it plays. and then it begins and they become one with beauty.

i got my last acceptance letter a couple days ago. it was from oberlin. i remember when katie and i were obsessed with that school, back in 10th grade. i still think it would be a cool place to get an education, but they only offered me 10k a year merit money and my family has no need. (at least every school i applied to accepted me and offered me scholarship money. that kinda makes me feel warm inside...oh wait no, that's heartburn. heh...) so it looks like i'll be going going to psu. i'm excited about penn state now anyway. they have a bunch of cool stuff!

i had so much fun riding with katie and matt and blasting weezer and shouting into the wind and running around the car at stoplights last night. and who could forget the tree-tying incident? ;-) the smoothie place was fun even though ali didn't accomplish her task -- trying to get me to do your dirty work! hehe. i also had some good conversations with lucy in her car and on the beach. and we all got sandy because matt's blanket just wasn't big enough...or maybe because some people kept hogging the middle.
Current Mood: calm

(8 masterpieces | paint the wall)

30th March 2002

5:21pm: representatives of some group came to my school to encourage us to register to vote. they brought a slide presentation run from a laptop. the woman who was speaking, while introducing the members of the organization present, mentioned that a guy was there running the laptop because she "didn't know how to work that thing."

comments like that bother me. i hear girls/women say derogatory things about their technical ability far too often. one does not need a sky-high iq to learn basic computer proficiency, and i do not believe the average woman's mental capacity is less than that of the average man. so what is the problem here? why do so many women claim to be technological fools?

(perhaps males say these things just as often. it is only my perception that it is usually women who make these comments, as i have no facts to back my observations.)

tomorrow is easter! even though i'm a heathen, i think it's a cute holiday...picture of my easter eggsCollapse )
Current Mood: cheerful

(3 masterpieces | paint the wall)

27th March 2002

4:34pm: SPRING BREAK!!!

that is all
Current Mood: happy

(9 masterpieces | paint the wall)

25th March 2002

8:06pm: a massive amount of quizzes that i've been saving in a text fileCollapse )

(paint the wall)

7:54pm: we had a theology field trip on friday. the bus broke down on the way there and the teacher made us walk the rest of the way. all i could say was "this is so st. joe." but actually, it was a nice day and i enjoyed the walk.

i had my last high school drama performance today. i had my last concert a couple of weeks ago... it's getting close to the end. [insert sigh of relief here]

my calculus teacher said that our fourth quarter grade will be based entirely on participation. i asked him what exactly "participation" entails multiple times, and all he would tell me was "it's whatever i want it to be." that's just great for people he hates (like me). i think he should at least give us a rubric detailing his standards or something, and i told him so in class today. he wasn't too happy with that. he said i could take it higher, but that he wouldn't discuss it anymore until he was forced to. so i figure that i might as well take it higher...i mean, he's already pissed at me over it so what's the difference? but i dunno if the administration or whoever i talk to would even care. several members of the class came to me later in the day and told me they agreed with my viewpoint, so maybe we could all go to talk to somebody, but i don't know if the other students would come. after all, they didn't say anything in class. at the moment, i have the highest calculus grade. in every high school math course i've completed, i've received the highest grade out of everyone enrolled. and i'm enough of a dork that i care about whether or not i have the highest grade. ...it will be too late to do anything if he gives me a bad grade at the end of the quarter.

why i haven't done support at all for a month (maybe more -- i'm not sure):
1. i don't have time (and i thought the second semester of senior year was supposed to be easy)
2. i don't feel very useful...i mean, i can answer the basic questions decently, but what can i do that no one or few others can do? nothing! maybe when s2 is implemented, my c++ background will make me more useful than i am now.

oh yeah, my new laptop arrived last wednesday. it's a dell inspiron 4100 and it's spiffy. (you mean it's possible to be on the internet and listen to mp3s at the same time without crashing your computer? the wonders of a computer less than 4 yrs old astound me. heh.)

i'm not really looking forward to the aime tomorrow...i just wanna get three right, but i doubt even that will happen. enh whatever.

i think my entries have been more event-driven lately...*shrugs*
Current Mood: apathetic

(paint the wall)

21st March 2002

10:32pm: i've been too busy to write lately...i have been reading my friends page though. let's see...what's been going on with me?

well, i enjoyed my trip to penn state. i was worried that i wouldn't fit in, but almost everyone i encountered was very friendly. so that's a plus. one thing i noticed while on the university park campus was the pride the students seemed to have in their school. a lot of people were wearing psu gear, and students were even painting the nittany lion's paw print on things during craft night. i also attended two classes: linguistics and computer science. they were good...although, the comp sci class was pretty easy. i hope i will be able to get out of it by doing well on the ap test this may.

(i figured out that if i score at least a 4 on my three ap exams this year, i will enter penn state with 32 credits...)

the play has been pretty good so far...i feel more confident about tomorrow night's show now that i've already performed it for two audiences.

...and i'm too tired to write more. especially anything that requires more than minimal effort...but i feel pieces of ideas drifting in my mind. someday i'll catch them...
Current Mood: sleepy

(3 masterpieces | paint the wall)

13th March 2002

8:23am: almost everytime i go to insert-->symbol in microsoft word (97), it crashes. the only time it works is if i have just opened the program and i'm working in an unsaved document...hmm...

i feel busy. march events:
14 - i leave for penn state visit
15 - senior skip day (not that i'd be there anyway)
17 - i fly back home (if i can call here that...heh)
20 - performance of spring play for audience of middle-schoolers in morning, evening performance for general public
22 - field trip to early ed center (theology), evening play performance
25 - morning play performance for school
26 - aime
28 - beginning of spring break (woohoo!)

there's this girl at my school who always asks me to help her with schoolwork...i don't have a problem with people who honestly want to learn or who just need help. but when people (ie this girl) pretend they need a little guidance and then blatantly copy it gets annoying. i don't even have a problem with people copying from me , as long as they tell me their intent. i prefer dealing with honest cheaters...heh.
Current Mood: chipper

(1 masterpiece | paint the wall)

6th March 2002

5:20pm: i went on a field trip with the drama club today. ...we saw my fair lady. i can't believe eliza ended up with who she did (i won't give it away for those that haven't seen it), but the other guy was so much better! ...then we went out to lunch and had a crazy waitress. and one dish on the children's menu was called baby shamu. what kind of sick child would want to eat shamu?! i rode in one of the chaperone's vans, and when we got back to the van after the play and lunch there was a warning affixed to it. it had been parked in a reserved spot. so then we (the van-riders) decided to say it was not just a warning but a big fine...and the story evolved into the van getting towed...and then it getting totaled...heh, well it was fun.

it seems that i should feel calm and relieved now that yesterday is over. but i don't. instead i feel...hyper? ...ready? ...keyed up? ...something like that. good, maybe my motivation problem is finally over. then again maybe not. i think i'm just eager to begin a new part of my life... right after the play, when i was walking in the cold afternoon sunshine among the historic buildings of downtown st. augustine, i felt so free. like i was meant to be there instead of in school. i felt like i could have just graduated. i belonged there beside the stone fountain and trees, beside the statues and the bridge, meandering towards the future.

i'm going to fly up to visit penn state next thursday. i'm going to a bunch of info session type things for the engineering college and the honors college, and i'll be staying in the dorms with college people on thursday and friday nights. i'm worried that i might not get along with my host. that would suck!

i'm also worried about college...i dunno...i'm afraid i won't be good enough. i mean, penn state has offered me a full scholarship (tuition and room & board), so i'll most likely be going there unless one of the other schools i applied to gives me a comparable amount of money. (besides uf) but anyways, i'm afraid i won't live up to their expectations. if i'm not spectacular, they'll probably wish they gave the scholarship to someone else... (who i am referring to with the word "they"? i'm not even sure...the admissions/scholarship people i guess.)
Current Mood: indescribable

(11 masterpieces | paint the wall)

4th March 2002

5:53pm: ggggaaahhhaaaaahhhhhhh!
tomorrow i have a calculus test, a psychology test, and a theology test. and massive amounts of literature work is due too. i hate volumes of revolution! i also hate this semester's psych book...it's so boring and scattered. theo won't be so bad. and english is okay: it's just a lot of work. ...i really shouldn't even be writing this. must...work...

i spontaneously created this song (to the tune of the toys-r-us song) while talking with a friend on aim:
i don't wanna do work
i'm a lazy-ass kid
there's lots of stuff i could be doing...
but i'm listening to my id

yeah, i'm cool... ;-)
Current Mood: stressed

(8 masterpieces | paint the wall)

2nd March 2002

3:55pm: conversations with smarterchild
the effects of extreme boredomCollapse )
Current Mood: silly

(10 masterpieces | paint the wall)

3:35pm: i pledge allegiance...
i don't think there should be any mention of god in our nation's government, because it undermines one of the principles our country was founded on: not "christianity," but freedom from religious persecution. if the government endorses a religion, who can disagree and be unaffected? i think that individuals who choose to believe have every right to do so, but those who don't shouldn't have to suffer religious catchphrases being shoved upon them. (actually, nobody should have to suffer it...)
Current Mood: cheerful

(9 masterpieces | paint the wall)

24th February 2002

11:10am: my first programming contest...(aww, how cute... *insert baby noises here*)
i wanted to wait to post this so i could link to the results page, but they haven't put it up yet...*shrugs* so anyway, here's the story:

short version
i correctly solved 5 problems, which was my goal. since i wasn't the fastest person to solve five, that placed me fourteenth out of about 100. (the top four people solved seven.) i think it's a respectable rank, especially since the people there were top programmers from various schools around the state and i was new to the whole thing. (and i had issues with the compiler. ;-)

long versionCollapse )
Current Mood: satisfied

(13 masterpieces | paint the wall)

22nd February 2002

1:41pm: i'm really nervous about a programming competition i'm going to tomorrow. i didn't want to write about it because:

1. this tells some people (who didn't know before) that i'm going. so now they will be able to ask how i did...and if i do poorly i probably won't want to talk about it.
2. i'm admitting that i care.

but i am writing about it because i'm nervous, and relieving stress is part of why i have this journal. i just want to do decently though...it will be my first programming competition ever, and the first time i ever programmed was this summer. (i'm a programming competition virgin heh.) ...this time i created my rationalization beforehand...it makes it more believable later.
Current Mood: anxious

(3 masterpieces | paint the wall)

20th February 2002

10:05am: a long time ago (or maybe not so long ago), the mortality rate in america was much higher than it is today. something like half the people born were expected to die as children, and those who survived looked forward to diseases and early deaths.*

today, childrens' deaths are tragic. but was it the same back then? (i'm sure it was still sad.) it seems like the prevalence of death in times gone by would weaken its impact. isn't a part of tragedy the injustice of it? so, if it is expected then maybe it isn't so bad...

or do we have it easier than our ancestors? do we sleep wrapped in a fluffy blanket of technology which protects us from a great deal of ill?

* i don't know the exact numbers on this. i just have a general idea that more died then as compared to now. feel free to correct me.

(10 masterpieces | paint the wall)

18th February 2002

8:59pm: i was watching the simpsons last night, and i was thinking about how random it's gotten lately. homer stole the olympic torch, bart had a rich girlfriend, the family visited a private school fair, skinner did standup, everybody went to canada...and that's just one episode. sure, most of these elements were loosely tied together, and of course sitcoms are often more laugh than plot driven...but the show definitely seems more random than before.

it reminded me of myself lately. (yes, i contemplate the state of my life while watching the simpsons--doesn't everybody? ;-) i used to have phases where i'd be almost completely focused on one thing: playing my flute, photography, etc. but now i don't feel specifically drawn to one thing. instead i feel intensely attracted to so many things. i want to do everything, experience everything, and be everything...

in the spirit of the above, some random tidbits:

this is a very cool test: are your religious beliefs logically sound? my only contradiction was in answering yes to both question 10 and question 14...although after thinking about it a little more, i believe the answer to 10 is no.

sometimes i want to hear what people have to say, but i have nothing to say in return. i think this usually happens when i admire someone and think he/she is really smart, cool, funny, whatever. i guess i feel i'm not worthy to respond or i honestly have nothing to say.

i currently have 54 support points and i am ranked #95. go me! heh...

a quote i found at books-a-million with a friend: "if brevity is the soul of wit, then your penis is a riot." ...i can't remember who said it now...it amuses me
Current Mood: content

(20 masterpieces | paint the wall)

14th February 2002

8:41am: yesterday was a good day. ...well except for when my legs felt really weak for no apparent reason. (i just couldn't let that positive statement go unqualified ;-)

but anyways, as i was saying, yesterday was fun. there wasn't any particular thing that made it cool...there were just a lot of little things. on the way to school in the morning i heard "walking on sunshine" on the radio. that song (and the song "i feel good") always makes me happy. actually there are a lot of songs that make me happy...music is awesome!

then, someone who usually hates me was nice to me. he let me go ahead of him in a crowded hallway. i know that's not a big deal, but it made me feel good.

i found out that i did well enough on the amc-12 to get to take the aime. (two of my classmates knew before me--no one ever tells me anything!) that made me happy since i didn't even want to take the amc 'cause i thought it'd be bad for my self-esteem. but i think the test was way easier than last year's test. maybe they screwed up and made it too easy. *shrugs*

when i signed on to aim last night, my friend thamy imed me. she just got a computer, so now i can talk to her more often. yay! thamy is so cool! (we were partners for a research project this summer at ysp.)

i wonder if stuff like this happens everyday...maybe usually i don't notice it. probably it does. maybe i should concentrate on finding good stuff...i do try to find it sometimes, and then i usually succeed in finding it, but then i wonder if it really makes up for the bad stuff.

well, i'm gonna go now...

oh, happy valentine's day everyone!
Current Mood: happy

(6 masterpieces | paint the wall)

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